“It is the darkness that I remember most of all. The darkness and the strangeness of it all.” this is the opening lines of the first book I wrote called Destroyed. which was published in march 2008.
This was written during a time when I was in a very dark place in life, and writing became a life saver. pain spilled out page after page. It was never my intentions to write a book, but soon became aware on how much suffering others could be going through, what comfort did they have. Have you ever felt alone? Ever felt you need someone to talk to? lost confused. “because I know only too well what can happen when those essential gifts that every adult can give are taken away.”
We live in a society that is quick to judge and condemn working/ lower class people. how cruel the world can be. Its a story with twists and turns to say the least. talking about the sexual abuse i endured during childhood, and the tragic events to follow over the years, but also i like to think it gives hope, hope not to give up or give in. all to often we are made to feel a lesser person through tragic events that we are not creators off. in truth i see all to often the system failing abused children or adults.
I was one of the lucky ones and after 30 years living in fear of my abuser, i faced him in a court room, but that came after the book was published, never the less justice was done. perhaps the book was meant to come first. justice in terms of the law he got 10 years what i received was life in terms of memories. what else could i do but share my mind to the world & hope for change, take something so negative and turn it around, by helping others and so that’s what i like to think ive done.
Do I think its possible for the upper class to change there views, the government to show more compassion. i don’t no but we have to try. As one thing im sure of, is abuse has no class to it, neither does crime. Im determined to start writing again, as lots of situations have touch my heart since my first book. we cant say we are going to change the world but if its possible to change one persons view then its always going to be worth it..
Remembering my past is like looking through a window, when i think back, i visualize myself gazing through the window and seeing the little girl a use to be and all the things that happened to her… I find myself wanting to bang furiously on the glass, attract her attention and tell her the things i no now. Maybe if someone had of done that back then. Everything may have turned out differently.,But memories, don’t work like that.
The purposes of this book was to alleviate the stigma attached to being abused, we are not lepers, and we are human beings, which sadly feel victim to sex offenders without a choice. I also wanted to shed light on the misfortune of having a beloved brother that in my adult life committed a hideous crime, which had prevented me the freedom to walk with my children in a public place without fear or panic or being approached, and followed by the media. I was working hard protecting my own family, yet in a flash it was taken from under my feet.
The trials and tribulations, how I looked ahead without a constant feeling of guilt or shame, I wanted to help others in situations similar to my own by sharing a part of my life with you. If we can learn to open our minds and hearts a little bit more then we might have progress, we should all have a right to live freely, without intimidation or force from individuals and oppressive institutions.